


Normal

by Hellesgift



Category: Smallville
Genre: Alternate Universe, Child Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pseudo-Incest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2005-12-17
Updated: 2006-05-29
Packaged: 2017-12-13 17:51:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/827119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hellesgift/pseuds/Hellesgift





	1. Chapter 1

Lex thinks that it should smell like popcorn--heat and corn, right?--but it smells firey and harsh and Lex hurts really bad. Things keep moving wrong and he can't stand up; it's like standing on his father's yacht in a storm, except now he really feels sick. He needs his mom to come save him.

He needs someone to come save him.

He needs someone.

He gets his father, striding out of the still-smoking jungle of stalks, taller and stronger than ever before. His father looks twenty-feet tall and invincible, like a superhero.

His father is holding a little boy.

Lex wants his father to pick him up, but Lionel's arms are full of this kid. He comes close enough for Lex to touch his shoes.

"Lex, Lex, Lex." Lionel shakes his head sadly, as if Lex has brought back another A- in spelling. "You really need to pull yourself together here, son."

It all hurts so bad, and Lex wants to cry, wants to tell his father he's sorry, but it feels like his lungs have seared shut. He tries to reach out, and the shoes move a step away.

Lionel shifts the child in his arms. "Sorry, Lex, but it's time I traded up." The kid waves a little hand and smiles softly over Lionel's shoulder as they disappear back into the smoke and darkness.

Lex screams and screams after them, begging now, saying he's sorry, he's scared, whatever, just to bring them back, but the world stays empty, just him and the smell of burnt pain.

He wakes up still begging.

There's a warm body pressed against his chest; the kid's in his bed again.

Lex pulls his legs up until he can get his feet against the kid's lower back, then kicks. There's a thump when he hits the floor, then a quiet gasp, but no other sound. The kid doesn't cry.

Neither does Lex.

 

 

 

"It's a really stupid name, too." Lex kind of mutters it, but over his shoulder and loud enough to be sure that the kid can hear him. For such a little kid, he's keeping up okay, and Lex turns back towards the kitchen. "My father picked a really stupid, stupid name for you."

The kid stumbles a little, and Lex looks back just in time to see him sit hard. Stupid kid just giggles, patting the stones for a second and then holding out a hand to Lex. Like he really thinks Lex will help him. Lex turns around and walks slowly until he hears the kid scramble up again.

"I mean, he couldn't have picked a much stupider name." Lex wonders if Lao Shan is guarding him today. Lao Shan understands how important names are. Lao Shan was there when the stupid baby got his stupid name. _I believe your father anticipates that the child will be...a weapon._ Lao Shan was angry about something; Lex could always tell, but he could also tell that Lao Shan wasn't angry at him, so he didn't mind. As long as Lao Shan wasn't angry at Lex, it was all okay. Angry Lao Shan could be...interesting.

"It's a stupid, stupid name for a stupid kid." Kids couldn't be weapons. He doesn't know how he'd gotten back to the castle; he doesn't remember that. But he remembers the way his father looked at the kid, and it makes him so mad. Angry Lex wasn't interesting, not yet, but he'd keep studying with Lao Shan and someday he would be. Until then, he just had to make sure the kid understood the rules.

"My father called me Alexander, because Alexander ruled the whole world. Like I will." He's getting tired, now, and it makes him madder. No fair that he's bald and hurt and tired and the kid's fine, just toddling after him like there's nothing more fun than following someone who hates him.

"But he gave you a stupid name, Poopie Pants. Eats ants, poopie pants, baby Lance." Even though the kid doesn't understand, Lex is ashamed. _Don't be childish_ his father would say, and Lex always wants to say, _But I am a child._ But that's no excuse.

Hurting again from everything, Lex stumbles a little, and the baby's right there next to him. Watching.

"He couldn't have done much worse for you, you know. Lance is, like, worse than Eugene." The kid smiles at him, eyes wide. "Worse than Cecil, or Nigel, or Seymour, or Clarence, or Clark, or--"

"Cal--" The kid is bouncing up and down, patting his elbow, and Lex wants to push him.

"Nope, you're stuck with Lance. Antsy Lancey."

The kid whines a little. "Kal--al--"

"Nope." This is better than pushing him; the kid's almost crying.

"Kal-al...kalal-kalal-kalal-kal…"

He couldn't even say it right, stupid baby. "Not Cal. Clark. Kuh-lar-kuh." Lex drew it out, making it sound even stupider than Lance.

"Kal-al-k"

"Almost. Ca-lark. Stupid kid."

"Cal-alk" The kid's wriggling now, like he has to make number two, and Lao Shan better be close by because that's not Lex's job.

"Okay, if you want. I mean, even Clark is better than Lance. Not that that's saying much." His mom used to say that. _Your daddy loves you most in the world, Lex. Not that that's saying much._ And then Lao Shan would take away her glass and get one of the women to help her to bed, and Lex would have to go outside to play.

The kid still looks really urgent, like it's important that he has a slightly less stupid name. Lex feels a little bad. Maybe he should have given him a cooler name. Like...well, something cool.

"Cal-al-al-al, Cal-al, Cal-al," the kid's muttering over and over, patting his elbow with every 'kuh' sound.

Lex feels like he should warn him. "It's not a great name, stupid-head. Better, but not great."

The kid was patting his arm softer now, still making that half-Clark sound, and the kid actually sounded kind of sad. Feeling dumb, Lex grabbed his hand for a second to stop the patting. "It's okay, kid." The big, stupid eyes looked up at him until he added, "It's okay, Clark. You can be Clark if you want."

"Cal-al-kuh."

Lex was going to try to teach the kid to say it right when the world kind of slipped sideways funny for a second. When it got straightened up again, the kid was holding him by the elbow. Lex didn't want the stupid kid to help him, but he probably wasn't anyway. He was too little. It was just easier to walk with the kid to balance on. Stupid kid was looking all worried.

"You just remember who got the cool name, okay Clark? I'm Alexander. People I don't hate too much get to call me Lex."

The kid smiled a little wobbly. "Lek."

"Yeah. Almost."

Another soft pat on his elbow, and Lex leans a little into it, even though he doesn't need to, because he's walking just fine. "Lex," he emphasizes the last sound.

The kid grins. "Le-ku-suh. Cal-al-kuh."

"Clark. Yeah."

 

 

 

He knows he's dreaming this time, because he's floating. He's floating about two feet off the ground, moving away from the stink of burning fields, moving back towards the castle. Pretty fast, too. Pretty cool dream, if it weren't for where he was going.

He's moving along and the world goes out and comes back in and he feels his feet dragging on the ground, and he's lost his shoes, but it doesn’t hurt compared to everything else. The world gets all fuzzy for a while, and when it gets a little clearer, he's lying in front of the castle. Lao Shan is lifting him up, and Lex almost cries at how nice it feels to have someone hold him, and he doesn’t think why he's also almost crying for something he's leaving.

He looks back, and his father is still at the door. Lao Shan shushes him as he tries to reach back, and his father doesn't even glance away from whatever he's kneeling beside at the doorway. Lex feels like something's ripping out of him, the farther Lao Shan carries him towards his room, and he guesses it must be that he needs his father. He tries to call one more time, and he hears something answer, but it's not his father, and it's not loud enough to hold onto as the world fuzzes out again.

 

 

He wakes up feeling like he's drifting away from something really important. There's a warm body next to him again, and kid is watching him, eyes wide in the half-dark. The kid's probably waiting to hit the floor again. It's not his father near him, in dreams or real life, but Lex knows enough by now to take what he can get. He pulls the kid back away from the edge of the bed. "Careful, Clark. You'll fall out." The kid pats him again, like he's got this secret ability to communicate through Lex's elbows, then closes his eyes.

Letting the world go soft and dark again, Lex thinks that maybe it's enough for tonight.

 

 

 

Two weeks later and Lex can walk all around the castle without getting tired. Well, he's getting a little tired of Clark. Because when Lex walks all around the castle, so does the kid. Like he's got an extra annoying little shadow.

Two weeks, and the kid's vocabulary has expanded by only one letter--he pretty much always puts the 's' sound on Lex's name now, which is an improvement. But mostly he communicates through a tentative elbow Morse-code.

And only with Lex.

Lex doesn't know if it's kind of cool or just really annoying. Lao Shan talks to the kid, but then waits while Lex repeats everything. Like when Lao Shan teachs Lex to translate, except now they both say it in English. Lao Shan tried Mandarin on the kid, actually. And Helga tried Danish, and Naoko tried Japanese, and Birthe tried German, and Maria tried Spanish, and Armand tried French, and Lionel tried shouting.

The kid only speaks two words--one really--and only listens in Lex.

So Lex gets to be there as Lionel gloats over his new prize. "Lex, tell him to lift that box."

"Lift the box, kid." He's angry by now. His father didn't even ask how he was feeling, didn't even check on the doctor's reports, just went right in with the boxes and the weights again. Every time, the stupid kid hunches in and looks through his hair at Lex. And every time, Lex translates. "Come on, C--kid. Lift the box."

Clark lifts it half-heartedly, and keeps his eyes locked on Lex as Lionel crows, "Very good, Lance. Now the next one."

Nothing. Like the kid only hears on whatever frequency Lex talks. He would test that, if only his father would get over the whole weight-lifting thing.

"Lex, tell Lance to pick up the next one."

"Pick up the next one, Lance."

"Leks?" The kid looks unhappy, and against everything, Lex walks over, leans in close to whisper, "It's okay, Clark. Just do it, okay, and we'll go outside. It's pretty cool--you haven't seen the grounds yet."

Clark smiles at him, pats a quick acknowledgement on his elbow, and lifts the last box. He's very careful when he puts it down, keeping it away from Lex's toes. Lex would be glad about that, except that he can't hear anything but his father.

"Excellent! That's my boy."

And Lex knows his father isn't talking about him.

 

 

 

"He doesn't like you, you know." Lex is walking fast, and the stupid kid is half running to keep up. "You're like a new toy."

 _Weapon_ his mind supplies.

"It's not like you're even really his son. You don't have any family. You don't belong here. You don't belong anywhere."

Lex can tell that Lao Shan isn't guarding them today, because Lao Shan wouldn't let him say that. Lao Shan's job is to stop anyone from hurting Lex, and that includes stopping Lex from hurting Lex. And Lex already knows that this hurts both Clark and him. It's like something in his belly is twisted up with meanness. But he can't stop, and he walks faster so maybe Clark won't hear it all. Clark only really seems to understand tone of voice, and Lex doesn't want to look around again and confirm that the kid is crying as he runs after Lex.

"Why don't you just go away, _Lance_? Why don't you go back where you came from? Maybe someone wants you there." Lex wishes he could walk fast enough that _he_ couldn't hear what he was saying. But he can't outrun himself and, after two weeks of his father's testing, he knows he can't outrun Clark.

He hears a little thump behind him, and when he looks back, Lex sees Clark sitting in the dirt of the track, crying. The kid rubs one grubby fist across his eyes, leaving a smudge through the wet, and Lex feels awful. The thing in his belly untwists and melts away and leaves a big hole in its place.

"Don't." He walks back and squats next to Clark. "Don’t cry. Big boys don't cry."

The only thing big about Clark right now is his eyes; they look like ponds after rain, all watery and overflowing the banks.

"Don't cry. Don't cry, Clark." Patting at Clark's shoulder awkwardly, Lex tries to see if the Morse communication goes two ways. The kid keeps crying. "Don't. You can...if you're going to be my little brother, you're going to learn not to cry. Dad'll teach you." Clark is reacting to the tone of voice now, his hiccupping sobs quieting as he ducks his forehead down to rest on Lex's shoulder.

Lex looks down at the kid, just a baby really, with every excuse to be childish. "Hey, Clark." The kid snuffles and burrows in closer. "I guess if I'm going to be your big brother, I guess...I can try to make sure you don't have to learn too quick, huh?"

The kid's still snotting and crying into his shoulder, and Lex pats him again. "It's okay, Clark. You can cry now if you have to."

 _But not in front of Dad, okay?_ Lex doesn't say it, settling instead for patting the kid's back. Like an echo, he feels a hesitant pat on his elbow.

"Yeah, okay, Clark." He sighs as Clark sniffs and sits up. "Okay."

 

 

 

He dreams sometimes that it hurts, and someone reaches down and touches him, and the hurt goes away. It's a gentle touch, like a kiss. Probably his mom.

Sometimes he wishes he could sleep more.

 

 

 

Lionel is obsessively focused on testing his newest acquisition, and he's got charts showing strength and speed, data accumulated over the past months, and Lex doesn't know what to think about how blind his father is.

His father hasn't tested any of the interesting stuff. Just the _obvious_ stuff.

He has no idea that Clark can hear like...like Lex doesn't know what. Like maybe there's nothing like it on earth. Clark can hear things that Lex doesn't even know how they'd measure for the tests. He can hear storms coming, and cells splitting, and electricity moving through wires.

He can hear helicopter and cars from over a mile away. Which is why they're usually away from the house when Lionel arrives.

Lex doesn't know what to think when he realizes that his father doesn't get that. Clark will look up and get up and pull Lex up and out of the castle, and his father arrives with new weights and new treadmills and doesn't ever question why he always has to search for his test subject.

If they weren't so busy taking advantage of this, Lex would wonder.

 

 

 

They're out farther than they've ever gone before. This is partially because Lex is feeling much better now, probably ninety-five percent calibrated to a day without an asthma attack. Of course, they're now all days without asthma attacks, so overall he's at better than a hundred percent. Better than perfect, and it's that kind of day, so he grins down at the kid.

The kid is the other reason they've made it this far. Lex has given up on pretending that holding hands is for Clark's benefit. Even the rockiest trail feels smooth and easy with Clark's help, and Lex is big enough to accept this. "Thanks," he says as they negotiate another pothole, and Clark giggles and swings their hands.

"Leksleksleksleks," he sings, till it all turns into one long sibilant. Clark still only has word to use, but he uses it to tell whole stories. Right now he's telling Lex that he's happy to be away and out and free. Lex has to agree.

The road is really bad here; no one from the castle has any reason to go out to these fields and the small, muddy cliffs over the murky little pond. So Lex is not surprised that the truck has stopped at the top of the hill. Reggie can see them from the hill, and Reggie is lazy enough to stay there until the last possible moment.

The good thing about Reggie is you always know where he is and where you stand. The bad thing is the same thing. Lex misses Lao Shan, even though he's glad to have him on night shift. But Lao Shan would be close enough to talk to even though you couldn't see him. Kind of safe-feeling in a paranoid way. Lex laughs at that thought, and Clark laughs too, just happy to be with Lex and laughing.

It's a good day.

Maybe it's because Lex isn't used to good days that he misses the fact that they don't always stay good. Maybe if he'd had a few more good days in the past, he'd recognize the scary music that should be playing in the background; he'd know that you don't get to stay this happy. But he doesn't, so it comes as a complete surprise when they walk around a big pothole in the road, and Lex starts to slip down the loose dirt of the bank, and this time Clark doesn't stop them.

Lex grunts as he loses his footing and the little hand in his tightens for a second and then it's gone and they're tumbling down the hill, with clods of dirt bouncing beside them and around them. The pothole gives way into a kind of sinkhole, wet from erosion and seepage from the pond, and the walls glisten, wet and green.

It should be dark.

Lex's mind is insisting that they're under an overhang now, and it should be dark but instead it's kind of glowy-green, and look at these neat crystals, and he turns to show Clark and--

 _Clark_.

Lying curled up like a pill-bug, Clark is faintly glowing like the rocks. But the rocks don't make that sick gasping sound, and the rocks don't scare Lex half out of his mind.

"Clark?" He stumbles to his feet and stands over the kid for a second before crouching down. "Clark!" The pulsing light makes his hand shake worse than it should as he reaches down. As if reacting to the touch, Clark stiffens, his eyes rolling back in his head. Lex whimpers at that, frozen. He doesn't know what to do. But at least the gasping moans have stopped.

And then Lex figures out why and he claws his way back up the hill, screaming at the top of his now-healed lungs for Lao Shan, for his father, for his mother, for someone.

Someone needs to help, he needs _someone_.

It takes Reggie way too long to get out of the truck, and Lex is almost halfway back by the time the bodyguard meets him on the road. Lex tries to explain through terror and confusion, and Reggie lets him talk for about a second before picking him up and slinging him under one arm.

It's like something out of a nightmare; Lex's vision filled with nothing but shrubs and road passing at high speed. And then it gets worse, as Reggie jumps down into the hole and picks Clark up--Clark, who's not moving at all.

Following behind as Reggie carries Clark back towards the car, Lex almost cries when he hears the first coughs. Reggie puts Clark down, and Lex holds the kid against his chest while Reggie goes back to the hole.

"It's okay, Clark. It's okay, you're out now. It's safe," Lex murmurs, and Clark finally stops coughing and just rests his head weakly under Lex's chin. Lex doesn't even notice Reggie's approach until he hears Clark moan again, but softly this time.

"Thought so." The deep voice comes from a few feet away, and Lex doesn't have to look up to know what Reggie is holding. All he has to do is look at Clark, whose skin is again turning green and clammy.

"Guess I better get this thing back to Mr. Luthor. I have the feeling he'll be very interested." There's a thump from the back of the truck, rock hitting plastic-covered metal. "Come on. Get in the truck."

Clark won't move, and Lex can't with Clark holding on so desperately, so in the end Reggie puts them into the front of the truck with hardly more care than he tossed the green crystal into the back. On the way back, over the sound of Clark's breathy groans, Lex hears a voice saying over and over,

"Let's get this thing back..."


	2. Chapter 2

"Dad, it hurts him." Lex doesn't want his voice to sound so weak, but he can't help it. He can't believe what his father is asking or why his father doesn't get it.

There's no way Clark is coming near that thing. Not when it...not when...

Lex remembers what it's like, not being able to breathe. He can't imagine walking toward an asthma attack.

Lionel's hand is suddenly heavy on his shoulder. "Lex, tell Lance to come here." The crystal in Lionel's other hand isn't glowing now, but Lex thinks he can see a reflection of the glow in Clark's wide, terrified eyes. Clark is crouched in the corner of the room, and Lex can see white all around the kid's irises. Like a spooked horse, and Lex knows he could talk and calm the kid down, but he doesn't want to risk it. Because if he talks to Clark, Clark might listen.

"Tell him to come here, Lex." The order is punctuated this time by a squeeze of his father's hand, just tight enough to hurt.

"N-no. Dad-- No, _please_ \--"

And now the hand on his shoulder is really hurting, fingers digging forward into his collarbone, the thumb driving under his shoulder blade.

"Tell Lance to come here."

"N-no. _Please_ \--" It hurts so bad, like his shoulder is separating, like the arm bone isn't going to be connected to the shoulder bone for much longer, and through the weird rushing noise in his ears Lex hears a distant, gasping sob. He didn't think he was crying; he's a big boy, but it hurts so bad he can't see anymore. "Dad..." There's only one person in this room who would be likely to listen to him, and Lex makes sure he doesn’t say that name. Because if he does, and if Clark listens--

And then the pain is less, even though the sobbing sound is louder. The knife through his shoulder is just a overall throbbing ache, and Lex realizes that part of the going blind thing is that his eyes were closed. He opens them to a weird, green-tinged scene: Lionel is staring down at his feet, and the crystal in his hand is pulsing out a stuttering light.

"No," Lex moans.

And the one person who might have listened to him doesn't, just chokes and drops his head down on Lex's feet. Either Lionel is distracted or Lex is stronger than he thinks, because he wrenches himself free and shoves at his father. "Get away! Get away from him; it hurts him really bad!"

Lionel takes a quick step back towards them, and the kid raises a hand up, like a plea or a promise. The kid's little arm looks all grey and ropey somehow in the sickly green light.

Something in Lex's stomach tightens and burns; he thinks, maybe, that if Lionel comes to hurt him again, Clark will do something to stop him. And as weak as the rocks make Clark, the only way he could stop Lex's father would be to do whatever Lionel says.

Lex doesn't want to translate that.

But Lionel just stands there, looking down at where Clark is pathetically trying to shield Lex. A bodyguard who only reaches Lex's waist at the best of times can now only reach one shaking hand toward the thing that's hurting him.

Lex doesn't know what he means when he thinks 'thing.'

But he knows what Lionel means when he takes a step back and tilts his head, looking at the two of them before his gaze comes to rest on Lex. There's something grotesquely like approval in his eyes. "That's my boy."

And Lex knows that this time his father is talking about him.


	3. Chapter 3

Lex and Clark spend the next weeks hiding when they can. It's made easier by the fact that on the fourth day of Lionel's rock-finding campaign he discovers a distraction. Lex would have thought it would take a whole lot to distract someone from a superstrong kid who's allergic to rock--certainly more than some weird little piece of metal--but that seems to be all it took.

Lionel is busy calling together his best researchers and setting up a new lab between Smallville and Metropolis, and Lex and Clark are almost forgotten. 'Almost' isn't quite good enough, but they take what they can get. They hide in Lex's room mostly, under the covers so they can pretend they're sleeping.

Clark needs to sleep. They both do. It's too bad neither one of them can.

 

"Since Lex has managed to win the boy's trust, I am leaving him in charge of Lance's care." Lionel says this to the staff as if it's a promotion, as if they all don't know it's a test. But Lex isn't going to fail this test. If his father thinks that he's somehow twisted Clark into obeying him--well, it's a lot better than the alternative. He stands straight with his hand firmly on Clark's shoulder, and he sees his father's recognition of the pose. Sees his father's approval.

"Lex, you've always said you prefer science to business; well, here's your chance. I expect weekly reports on your experiments." And then, like some king dismissing an as-yet-unimpressive heir, Lionel strides out toward the waiting helicopter. By the time Clark can't hear him, Lionel will be well on his way to his new labs. His researchers haven't even figured out what the weird metal is, and already Lionel has plans to use it.

Lex waits the long, painful time until Clark's posture relaxes before he turns to the assembled staff; he figures that once Lionel is out of Clark's hearing, they're as safe as they're going to get. Of its own volition, Lex's hand tightens reflexively on Clark's shoulder, and the kid whispers softly, "Leks."

"Shh," Lex mutters, cutting him off even knowing that Clark wouldn’t have anything else to say. "Lao Shan, the first thing I'm doing is moving us back to Metropolis."

Reggie stutters a little at that. "But Mr. Luthor didn't say--"

"He put me in charge. If I'm going to test--" he forces himself to remember the right name "Lance's abilities, I need access to a lab."

" _Di yi dalou. Ershisan lou dao ershijiu lou xianzai you gongsi. Kenung zai nar keyi_." Lao Shan suggests softly, and Reggie growls in incomprehension.

Tough. Lex can't respect a man who's worked with Lao Shan for ten years and hasn't tried to learn even a smattering of Mandarin.

"We'll move to the penthouse in Number 1 Luthorplace. Evict the companies on the 23rd through the 29th floors and set up a lab." A quiet stir runs through the staff, and Lex feels the thrill of power for the first time. His dad was right, knowledge _is_ power. And okay, this time it was Lao Shan's knowledge. But it was Lex's power. "What are you waiting for?"

He pauses until the general bustle fades before answering the persistent tapping at his elbow, lowering his voice to include only Clark. "It's okay. I'm getting you away from here." He isn't sure that where they are going--or really, what they'll be _doing_ \--is safe. But it has to be better than here.

"It's going to be okay Clark." And because he's saying it to the one person who might believe him, Lex makes sure to say it strongly, confidently. Like a scientist.

Not like a kid who has to start experimenting on his little brother.


	4. Chapter 4

**Week 1: Subject shows consistent reaction to meteor rock. Reaction seems to be proportional to both proximity and quantity of the test material.**

 

"I have to call you 'Subject'. It's not that I really think that." Lex feels kind of dumb explaining himself, on the defensive because of nothing more than a wide-eyed look and a few elbow-pats. But this was yet another one of Clark's amazing powers that Lex would have to hide from his father. "It's like how I call you Clark, but that's your special name. Everybody else calls you Lance. It's like a...like..." he thinks of his comic books and shuffles his feet. "It’s like a secret identity. You're mild-mannered millionaire kid Lance Luthor to the world. And you're Clark to me."

Clark nods, but there's still something missing.

"And you have to be...when we're doing the tests, you have to be someone else. And I'm someone else, too." Because it can't be Lex doing this to Clark; it can't be Lex who opens the box and watches Clark curl up and moan. Lex can't bear it if Clark thinks that's him. "It's like--when I write about myself, in the reports, I don't write 'I' or 'me'. I write 'this researcher'. Like..."

He looks over to where Clark is still hunched over a little, holding his stomach as if he's forgotten that it doesn't hurt once the box is closed.

"Like... _distance_."

Clark straightens up and looks at him for a long moment, then slowly crosses the room to stand beside him. Pat. Pat-pat. Lex feels forgiveness rising up through his elbow straight to his heart. It's a stupid image, and it makes him laugh.

"Okay. Let's go play."

 

Lex almost wishes his dad could know about the other tests--after all, Lionel is the one who taught him 'special' accounting and how to make two sets of books both look right. But Lex doesn't even dare write down the other tests. And he's very clear to Clark, clear and strict enough that Clark turns white and solemn as he listens.

Because Lionel can know about the speed and the strength. And he already knows about the meteor rocks. But Lex knows that knowledge is power, and the world goes cold when he thinks of Lionel having _more_ power over Clark. So the hearing, the sight, the sense of smell--those tests are only ever recorded in Lex's head. Sometimes he'll even pretend to himself that it's not a test. Just Clark smelling perfume or listening to music.

It kind of makes up for the fact that Lex has to leave the box open longer and longer, and add more of the rock, and watch Clark writhe and cry and scream until he finally vomits, convulses or passes out.

Lex knows that he's right to keep the other tests a secret--because Lionel reads the reports he _does_ send. And Lionel never tells him to stop.

 

**Week 50: Subject continues to demonstrate adverse reactions to the meteor material. Subject's strength continues to increase, although there is a recovery lag after meteor-proximity tests that moves this researcher to again suggest a moratorium of the meteor-proximity tests so that investigation into other facets of subject's development can continue unimpeded.**

 

Early in the second year, Lex has a real discovery to write about. He figures he can't hide this one.

"But Lex, if you want me to, I can try to be quiet." Clark looks incredibly earnest when he says that, and the sound of his kid-voice forming complete, perfect sentences strikes Lex as one of the cooler results a scientist ever got to report. Certainly not something Lex wants Clark to have to hide.

"No," Lex answers carefully, "I think that would be kind of difficult."

Clark frowns. "I could only talk around you and Lao Shan, maybe. _Lao shan women kebukeyi jiu sange ren yiqide shihou shuo hua_?"

Only the fact that Lex was kind of expecting it keeps him from goggling. Out of respect for his mentor, he pretends he doesn't see Lao Shan's look of stunned shock.

"Speaking in Mandarin isn't going to help, either. And we can't have you never talk in front of anyone else." Lex shrugs. "No, it's good. My father's been wanting something more interesting from the reports. I think this qualifies." He turns toward the computer, then looks back at where Lao Shan has managed a credible stone-face again. "By the way, Clark. Do you speak any other languages?"

Clark kind of wriggles. "Just what I hear around."

Nodding patiently, Lex continues, "Okay. But there are about seven languages spoken around here, by various people. Like Naoko and her family speak Japanese, and Birthe and Friedrich speak German, and..." He trails off, because he already knows the answer.

"Those are different languages..." Clark looks uncomfortable, and it's not quite a question.

"Yeah. Okay." Lex shakes his head. "My father's going to freak."

 

For the year after Clark started to speak, the tests were almost fun. Lex's father never completely let him stop testing with the meteor rock, and that was always rotten--Lex couldn't get used to watching Clark hurt, especially not when he was causing it and tracking it and _calibrating_ it on a scale of moans and screams.

But for a year or a even a little more after Clark first spoke, they got to test fun stuff. Lionel sent hundreds of tapes, from Berlitz to rare anthropological records of lost languages, and Clark learned them all.

 

Lex had never been to school, what with asthma and his mom dying and everything. So he never knew how much more interesting it was with a classmate. He didn't technically know now, since no-one outside of the special group could know too much about Clark.

But Clark would sit in the corner playing during Lex's classes with his tutors, and afterwards they'd teach each other. Clark was great with math and the structure of languages, not so good with interpreting literature or science. If Lex didn't end up being the most famous scientist ever, maybe he'd be a teacher. It was kind of fun.

 

 

"I wish you could take it all."

Lex tries to smile at that, since he knows Clark doesn't mean anything bad. "It's normal to have hair, Clark. We're just taking a little for testing."

He pulls his head back when Clark reaches up to touch his bare scalp.

"It looks much easier. You could ask...maybe your father wouldn't mind if we looked like twins?" Smiling awkwardly now, Clark shrugs. Lex wonders if it's Lex's earlier insistence that convinced Clark not to claim Lionel as his father.

Or, he guesses, it could be the tests. Years of agony not being the best inspiration for filial affection.

"Maybe?" Clark prompts, and Lex realizes it's pretty pathetic to be so concerned about his baldness that he uses the thought of Clark's ongoing torture as a distraction.

"I asked already." He'd asked because Clark's hair really is beyond unruly now, down to the middle of his back and thickly shaggy. If not going for the twins look, Lex had thought at least a haircut maybe.

But Lionel had made an oblique reference to Samson and a very direct reference to his complete prohibition of a haircut for Lance. Lex doesn't see himself as a Delilah, but he also doesn't believe his father's excuse.

With his hair this way, Clark looks more like Lionel's son than Lex does. But Lex doesn’t want to hurt Clark anymore than he has to. "Dad likes it long." He forces a grin at Clark's scowl. "I like it long too, okay? And tonight when he comes on-shift, we can ask Lao Shan to tell us about how men in China used to wear their hair long. Actually," he laughs for real this time, suddenly seeing a connection, "actually, during the Qing dynasty they wore their hair long _and_ bald."

"What? How?"

"We'll ask Lao Shan, okay?"

 

 

**Year three, Week 8: In reference to question number eighteen: Reports on the material found at the meteor-strike site and reports from this researcher could suggest such a possibility. If subject's origins are indeed extra-terrestrial, that could explain subject's strength and speed, as well as the reaction to the meteor material. Hypothesis: Subject, metallic material and meteor-rock share common origin. This researcher suggests further chemical analysis of both materials and is enclosing subject's hair sample for chemical analysis in order to test this hypothesis.**


	5. Chapter 5

Lex is going to buy PBS.

He's going to buy PBS and fire all the employees and destroy the infrastructure and shred the stock. He's going to burn the archives and eliminate any memory of the channel. And he's going to make sure that whatever thoughtless bastards thought up this 'five year anniversary of the tragedy' crap never work again. He'll hunt them down, if he has to. He's going to make sure they _suffer_.

"You did _not_ , Clark. I promise you, you didn't!"

Clark's voice is barely audible; Lex is really more reading Clark's lips than listening to the horrified, strangled words: "I killed them."

"No! I promise--"

"I killed them. All of them. It's my fault!"

"No--"

"That little girl's parents. The highschooler. The guy--they found the _body_ \--the--" Clark gags and doubles up, and Lex instinctively looks around for meteor-rock before realizing. "I killed them. I'm a _murderer_."

"You are _not_. Clark--"

"Why didn't I die instead?" Clark cries out, anguished, and then gasps as Lex's hand hits his cheek.

Lex isn't sure which one of them is more surprised, although he knows who hurts worse. He hugs the pain to himself, using it to help him focus. "Don't say that. Don't ever say that. You're important, Clark, and you don't get to die."

"I'm not important! I'm a--I'm a plague! I'm a curse--"

This time Lex just grabs his chin. "You're important to _me_ , okay?" Isn't that enough? "You saved me that night, you know that, right?" Lao Shan had told Lex, but Lex can't remember now if he ever told Clark. "You carried me back to the castle. You made sure I got help. And even if you hadn't--you were a kid, okay? Practically a baby. You were not responsible for what happened. Someone sent you here to save you…like putting you up for some sort of interstellar adoption, right? And maybe they should have thought about what would happen when you landed, but that's not your fault."

It's a good argument. Reasoned. Balanced.

Completely ineffective.

 

 

It takes Lex two days to figure out another way to address Clark's guilt. He has a lot of time to think during those days, since Clark seems to deal with grief by becoming practically catatonic. He sits in the playroom rocking, and even Reggie seems concerned.

And that really is saying something.

Lex runs it by Lao Shan first, because an angry Lao Shan would not be a good addition to the current angst, but Lao Shan thinks it’s a good idea. Lex thinks it's probably a bad sign when this kind of idea counts as good.

"By your standards, I’m a murderer too." Sitting in front of Clark, Lex had hoped that this statement would at least earn him some eye-contact, but Clark continues to stare blindly ahead. "I'm a…" shoot, he'd looked up the word…"I'm a matricide. That means I killed my mother. And that's pretty bad, you know. Worse than killing strangers."

Um. "Which you didn't." Good start, Lex. He sighs. "My mom had a really hard time giving birth to me, and she never really got over it. She died when I was a kid--" he feels rather than hears Lao Shan's huff and adds, "--more of a kid than I _am_ , okay? I was just a baby, though. So it's not my fault."

Clark is listening now; Lex can tell even though nothing outward has changed. "And the thing is...I mean, you don't just have to take my word for it. Because--"

This was the hard part. Even harder than admitting he'd killed her. "Because Lao Shan was sworn to protect her, not me." If it hadn't been an accident, that could have been a motive right there. Lao Shan's protection is a legacy to kill for.

"It was a promise to her father. Lao Shan also swore to kill anyone who harmed her. So if Lao Shan thought I'd killed my mom--"

Okay, miscalculation. From his new position behind Clark's back, Lex babbled urgently, "But he didn't. And he wouldn't. So I'm not a murderer. You can trust his actions if you can't trust my word, right?" The original purpose of this lecture has been swept aside by the new situation, and Lex doesn't know what to do with his two most recent shocks: the fact that Clark somehow came back from catatonia to protect Lex from a nonexistent threat--or the fact that Lao Shan _flinched_.

"Clark!" He pulls on Clark's shoulder until Clarks' head turns a little, just enough to spare one ear for Lex while keeping both eyes on Lao Shan. "I didn't kill my mother. I'm not a murderer." He shakes Clark a little. "And neither are you. That's the whole _point_ dammit."

He knows when it finally sinks through, when Clark folds into himself and starts to sob. Lex doesn't remonstrate that Clark is too big to cry.

But because he's still a scientist as well as a big brother, he makes a mental note to test Clark's interactions and interpretations some more.

If only for Lao Shan's peace of mind. At that thought, he grimaces, and Lao Shan meets his eye for a wry moment.

 

**Year Five, Week 18: Subject's psychiatric tests show interesting anomalies. As intelligent as expected in most analytical areas, other areas subject's abilities are contrastingly undeveloped, with subject testing as almost a savant. Most of subject's weakness lies in the area of interpersonal relations, and depending on the test or the test's administrator, subject could be diagnosed as autistic.**

 

 

Lionel doesn't seem worried about the fact that the only person Clark really reacts to normally is Lex. Lionel seems to think that's a good thing, and doesn't want Lex to follow through on any of his ideas to help.

Of course, Lionel doesn’t know a lot about what goes on with Clark.

Lex's first order of business, though, is to get Clark back to where he had been with Lao Shan. With Lex's birthday coming up, he thinks he knows a way to manage it. Clark has always learned best by watching, and if Clark was paying attention to Lex's present on Clark's birthday, maybe he was distracted from Lionel's present at Lex's last birthday.

Lex would really like it if Clark's presents were personal and thoughtful rather than large, expensive, personal and painful.

If he had the choice.

"I would never be so grossly gauche as to hint about a present, Clark..." They're walking around the track Lex had installed on the 25th floor with the gym, and Lex wishes he'd thought to take them to Metro Park instead. This was a talk that would be better with trees, grass, and Lao Shan actually out of sight.

"But you know, if anyone ever asked what I wanted, I might mentioned that I'd love for you and Lao Shan--" shoot, this had been easier in his head. "I'd love...it would be really nice if you'd realize you didn't always have to be _between_ us, okay?" It comes out sounding more peevish than he'd expected. "I mean, if you wanted to give me a gift."

Clark swivels his head slowly from where Lex is by his side to the center of the track, where Lao Shan is pretending not to hear them. Expression blank, he shakes his head. "Tough. You're getting a horse. Surprise."

It takes a second for Lex to realize that Clark just made a joke. He's still laughing when Clark takes two steps to the outside, moving to the edge of the track. Why is he...

Oh.

 _Two_ presents.

 

 

Turns out Clark also studied at least part of the Lionel Luthor approach to gift giving: the horse comes with a Montana ranch four times the size of Metro Park.  

Lex can hardly believe it when the helicopter lands.  The ranch house is small and somewhat excessively rustic, but the land looks like something Disney might build for a movie starring beautiful, well-coifed settlers. It's almost too perfect; he keeps wanting to check the wildlife for animatronics.  

Lots of land and only one horse make perfect sense when they go out for their first run.  Lex has tested Clark at speeds faster than the Concord, but somehow when he's up on Tiene and Clark is racing beside them, Lex feels like they're finally equally paced.  Tiene is pure white like the swan Lao Shan instantly named her for, and she earns her name with grace as well as beauty.  It feels like flying when Lex leans over into her mane, and when Clark laughs out loud beside them, it's heaven.

What Lex had thought would be a few days away stretches into weeks, with Lao Shan muttering unconvincing complaints about security or lack thereof and the penthouse staff forwarding food, messages and questions by helicopter. They eat the food and ignore the messages and questions.  This is a birthday gift for both of them, and what with horse and the campfires and the lake and the fact that the only person watching them is paying more attention to his gongfu than to them, Lex has almost forgotten his first birthday present.

Lex should know by now that some things shouldn't be ignored.  On their last night as they stare into the fire, half-hypnotized by the flames, Lex hears Clark shift on the sleeping bag.  Clark is between Lex and Lao Shan for warmth; Lex can feel his right side toasting gently with Clark's heat.

Clark has moved closer to Lao Shan, and Lex is too focused on the decrease in comfort to immediately translate what he's heard.  When it all trickles into his fire-fogged brain, like icewater down his back, neither the fire nor Clark can make things warmer.

"Lao Shan. If Lex's mother had been there, with the meteors.  If that's how she had died...would you kill me?"

Lao Shan freezes into infinite stillness, offering nothing but silence in answer, as clear as no translation ever could be.

When Clark finally moves back to his original position, his whisper is almost lost in the slick hiss of the synthetic material.  

"Okay."

Lex wonders if this is what space feels like, empty and cold.

 

 

**Year Five, Week 30: This researcher again asserts that the physical and mental break from testing was essential for the continued well-being of the subject. The researcher is in possession of all requests sent during the testing hiatus, and tests will resume promptly now that researcher and subject have returned to the laboratory site. Recent developments, as described in the last report, suggest the advisability of focusing on emotional/developmental tests for the foreseeable future.**

 

 

Pausing just inside the door to Lao Shan's suite, Lex considers the picture of his grandfather for a moment. He had never met his mother's father, of course, but he recognizes the man in the picture: a smiling, dapper round-eye standing next to a handsome Chinese man vaguely recognizable as a much younger Lao Shan. He wonders absently if anyone had ever called him Xiao Shan--little mountain--or if he had been Old Mountain even then. Underneath the smoothly calm exterior in the old sepia photo the trained killer can be seen, poised forever, and Lex thinks it would have taken a brave man to give Lao Shan such a diminuitive nickname.

If anyone could have done it, it would have been Lex's grandfather. Once, after his mother's death, Lex had asked Lao Shan why his grandfather had entrusted his infant daughter to his friend and bodyguard. _It was all that he could give me,_ had been Lao Shan's answer, and Lex had caught a glimpse of loss so deep that he could not understand it, even after the death of his own mother.

He looks again at the picture, the two men standing shoulder to shoulder for eternity, gilded by the hot Hong Kong sun and immortalized on a scrap of paper. He hopes the depth of that friendship will help smooth this next discussion; despite a week of practice, Lex is still not sure his Mandarin is sufficient for a discussion of this importance. But he owes it to his mentor, and to the subject, to speak the words in a language as rich and nuanced and ancient as possible.

" _Teacher, may we speak?_ " As he had hoped, the formality of the words catches Lao Shan's attention, and Lao Shan gestures gracefully for Lex to enter.

Lex stands at attention before Lao Shan's desk, ignoring the letters Lao Shan has been painting. The smell of ink tints the air like Lao Shan's sharp yet delicate calligraphy. " _Teacher, I want to thank you for all of your care and kindness to me. You have been my protector and my mentor since I was born._ " Even before, probably, but Lex doesn't waste time wondering who kept his mother away from her various forms of forgetfulness while she was pregnant with him.

" _I know that when my mother was still alive, your allegiance should have been only to her._ " Here he had to be careful, Mandarin's lack of a clear conditional form twisting his words more than he would have wished. " _And yet I know that even then, your loyalties were divided, out of love for me, for my mother, and for her father._ "

Once, when Lao Shan had been shot--Lex still remembers it as a time of bloody horror and terrified screams, his own and his mother's--Lao Shan had looked up with pain-glazed eyes and called Lex by his grandfather's name. It's the only way that Lex knows he has his grandfather's eyes, and he wonders sometimes if that genetic fluke had added to the strain on Lao Shan's loyalties. And now Lex is the only surviving legacy of the man in the hand-tailored suit, standing beside a young Lao Shan on the steps of his father's trading house. Yet Lao Shan's loyalties are still complicated.

" _I know that your loyalties remain divided._ " This gets a reaction: only someone very close to Lao Shan would see the slight tensing of his posture, but Lex knows this man better than anyone. Almost anyone.

" _I know you love Clark, too. I am glad of this. He deserves our love and more._ " This is the hardest part, but Lex can say it, because it is prompted by their shared love for his brother. " _I accept and approve that your loyalties are divided between us. But I must inform you, teacher..._ " Lao Shan is dangerously quiet, but Lex has to finish. " **My** _loyalties are not divided._ "

Lex had actually worked out the next line. He wanted to say something like, 'So if your divided loyalties force you to make a choice, you'd better choose right. Because if Clark is hurt and I'm still around, you'll regret having made the wrong choice. If Clark is hurt, you'd better hope I'm _dead_.' But that's kind of Dirty Harry, and it turns out that Mandarin, at least the way he's been taught, really _isn't_ , so he had practiced it very formally: 'The correct choice must be made.' Clark is the correct choice. Clark, who belongs to Lex. Clark, who was _given_ to him, into his hands, after saving Lex. 'The correct choice, teacher, is to protect Clark.'

But he doesn't say it. Maybe it's the linguistic letdown inherent in turning Dirty Harry into an exercise in passive voice.

Or maybe it's the dark look in Lao Shan's darker eyes that tells Lex he's said enough.


End file.
